Navigating Yoga Challenges: Struggles and the Journey to Self-Compassion

Yoga’s First Impression

Bigger body person doing yoga outside from Pexels

I was a student hoping to combat the freshman 15 and establish a balance between higher education and social life. However, my first interaction, although not the last, left an impact that stunned and motivated me. The yoga studio on campus had a wall of windows that showed a mirrored wall, hardwood floors, and a prop closet. There was essentially nowhere to hide, unless the prop closet.

I began to realize that I wanted to hide, not having this feeling until class was about to start.

Class began, the instructor did not teach for my experience level or body type, and a deeper alienating feeling emerged. I already did not (and still don't) subscribe to the stereotypical yoga archetype -  a plus-sized black girl on a yoga mat, sure, holding my own as best I could, but that didn’t matter since I didn’t know the proper and safe techniques. With no, mind-breath-body connection in sight. My breath and mind began to race, shaking up my unsupportive thoughts.

Once unsupportive thoughts come you must CHECK them.

I’ll use “unsupportive” and “supportive” instead of “positive” and “negative” here to eliminate the idea of good or bad and shift the gaze to actions, behaviors, and thoughts that support where you are, what you want, and what aligns with you versus those that don’t.

By checking yourself, I mean checking in with your Self. How are you feeling? How is your breath moving? Notice and make observations, no judgments.

Meet yourself with compassion as you replace unsupportive thoughts with supportive thoughts before things get too disorganized and unruly in your head. When the lines blur between what you think and what you know is true, that is where misconception, doubt, and anxiety arise.

Journaling to cultivate ease

I didn’t even know how to check in on myself back then, so I’ll forever be thankful for the imparted tools and spiritual knowledge from yoga. Yoga has shown me how the breath and mind connect. In my practice, I use my breath to create space between feelings and thoughts.

As unsupportive thoughts arise, inhale and exhale deeply to make space between the stimuli and your reaction! Observe what your mind does, you don't have to respond.

As the class continued, so did the unsupportive thoughts, making it difficult to flow on my mat or mind.  All I wanted was for no one to look into our class, class to be over, and to keep my insecurities at bay. However, that didn’t happen. Class finally ended, I was turned off from practicing in public, but still on #TeamYoga.

It wouldn’t be until years later, after my challenging senior year, when I would reconnect with yoga. That's a story for another post!